I can still see my brother-in-law sitting beside my sister-in-law’s bed in the Intensive Care Unit last May–his head was resting on her beside as he held his iphone, which played the song, “Here’s My Heart, Lord.” As I stood in the doorway of the room, gripped with sadness and fear, the words of the song permeated the atmosphere. “Here’s my heart, Lord. Speak what is true.”
In the days that followed, God did indeed speak to each of our hearts in different ways and at different times, but it was always truth. He used His Word, His Holy Spirit, and His precious people to speak truth to our family as we sat in the ICU waiting room. We claimed the truth that God is a healer, that He is in control, that He wasn’t surprised, and that He is good. My sister-in-law, walked out of that hospital weeks after the doctors, essentially, told us to say our goodbyes. Hallelujah to the God of miracles.
As many of you know, we are expecting to add a fourth arrow to our quiver at the beginning of May. After a second ultrasound, our doctor reported to us that I have a condition called placenta accreta. I will spare you a blog full of medical jargon and explanation. Here are the facts that matter for this post–our sweet son is beautiful, perfect, and will continue developing wonderfully (he is also already working on his chubby cheeks as he’s measuring 2 weeks ahead by way of size); the risk factors with this condition really only come into play during delivery–it’s riskier for me (not for our boy), and he will need to be delivered by 36 weeks. (If you want more information on the condition, just Google it).
As we walked out of our OB’s office, thoughts were moving quickly and in fragments through my mind–I might be asleep for Ryker’s first hours of life, I need to call my mom, I don’t have diapers for him yet; should I? No, not yet. I’d been talking with God about my fears since getting the phone call that we’d need a second ultrasound to determine whether I did indeed have this condition. I had walked into the appointment with a confident peace that regardless of the doctor’s report, God is working good, but the enemy is so good at poking holes in our peace.
After all the facts and information, and all the, we aren’t quite sures the heaviness of it all began to settle in on my heart as did the old fear and lies of the enemy. And, once again, as I did in May, needed to cry out to God for Him to speak truth to my heart. The kind of truth He spoke to us when my sister was in ICU–a truth that surpasses human understanding and medical reports.
And, mommas, our God faithfully began speaking to my heart–I could feel Him lifting me up out of fears, as if He gently placed his hands under my chin and pulled my gaze to meet His own. And, I could hear the truth that I’ve found in this song so many times since May.
‘Cause I am found, I am Yours
I am loved, I’m made pure
I have life, I can breathe
I am healed, I am free.
I don’t know what makes your thoughts feel fragmented today–medical situations, broken relationships, grief, financial strain, a rebellious child, feeling like a failure as a wife or mom–whatever it is, let your Father lift your eyes to meet His and let Him speak truth to your heart. Hearing His truth changes everything.