The Kids Eating My PB&J Aren’t Mine

Bedside standers.  I know I am in good company when I stand near his crib and watch him breathe.

I count his infant breathes then slip through the doors of his sisters’ rooms to kiss their foreheads.  Sometimes, I pray over them. Sometimes, I ask God to forgive me and wash harsh words of earlier. Most times, I thank Him for letting me be their mama (because sometimes during the day, I forget to thank him for that).

After setting my alarm, I imagine my house without them—it’s impossible.  I consider how the days and nights will be different even next year when my homeschooled kindergartner actually goes off to first grade.

My chest swells and aches.

You know that ache.  Some of you have little ones getting ready for those glue-stick and crayon-filled mornings at preschool. Others have already released children to college campuses.  When I was pregnant with our firstborn, Audrey, I recall thinking I’d worry about her less once I could see her (my naïve delusion was so cute, wasn’t it?).  I would not have to count movements in my belly, have her heart rate checked, or organs measured during an ultrasound.

I would worry less.

Any parent could have told me the moment I held that swaddled 8 pounds of sweetness, I would not worry less.  When our nurse told me Audrey needed to spend some time in the special care nursery due to high bilirubin, I was not worrying less.

Twenty-seven hours old, and I was wishing I could tuck her back in my belly and hide her from this world.

And, it’s there I began a journey parents know: tip-toeing between loving deeply these children God has placed in our hearts and homes, but recognizing they are not ours to keep—they’re a treasure that’s been entrusted to our temporary care.

How can we possibly release these precious ones into His hands? Let’s start here:

1. Trust His heart: It reassures me when I consider that the love I have for my children is merely a dim reflection of the love He has for (me and) my children.

2. Recall His faithfulness: David was great at this, when he was facing a trial, he would review how the Lord had been faithful in the past.  When it’s difficult to trust Him with your kids now, recall His goodness towards them in the past.

When do you find it most challenging to entrust you kiddos to their Heavenly Father?  What do you do in response?  

{In honor of over a year of Letter in October, I am re-posted one of my first posts, as many of you weren’t my readers a year ago.}

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