My fear is evidence of my forgetfulness.
I wrote that statement in my post, “When Fear is Dangerous” nine months ago as I was reflecting on the fear I felt sending my big girl off to first grade. Have you noticed that God will teach you something, and you may be delusional (like me), and think you’ve mastered that lesson, until circumstances demand you rely on God in that same way again.
On this long road called leukemia, with my sister, I have had many forgetful moments.
“Fear in the believer is a function of forgetfulness. To the degree that you forget who God is, who you are as his child, and what you have been given by his grace, fear is is your default emotion.” (Paul David Tripp, New Morning Mercies)
When the doctors told us they had exhausted all the medical options as she laid in ICU, and we considered the possibility that the healing we’d been begging for might be provided completely in Heaven. I pounded my head against Mark’s shoulders, weeping, telling him “this is the wrong story.” I feared us leaving that hospital without our Shannon–my fear was evidence of my forgetfulness.
When the infection didn’t have its way, but instead God did–initially I could not even rejoice. The fear that God might allow us hope only to take her away from us was suffocating–my fear was evidence of my forgetfulness. I was forgetting Who God is–kind, tender-hearted, compassionate, merciful.
I experienced mountaintop moments as I pushed away my forgetfulness of Who our God is and relished in all God has done. He has astounded doctors; He has done what medicine was incapable to do–what was impossible for man clearly was not impossible for God.
I’ve been way to hard on those Israelites. I used to look down on them, on their forgetfulness–as a modern believer I used to look at the litany of miracles God did just for the Israelites and I couldn’t believe their responses of doubt, unbelief, complaining, and even worshipping of false Gods. Psalm 106: 7 reads, “Our ancestors in Egypt were not impressed by the Lord’s miraculous deeds. They soon forgot his many acts of kindness to them.” And now, here I am, just like the Israelites I have seen God deliver mighty miracles before my eyes, and so quickly I forget.
As I ride the elevator down after visiting my sister, I forget because the journey isn’t done, she needs more miracles, and she needs Him to sustain her as she waits. And, like my toddler stomping and grabbing my legging impatiently waiting for my to put raisins in a bowl, I want the miracle of healing in all its fullness now. And every moment of delay, I either fight or forget–I either fight to recall His faithfulness or I forget and fear.
Mommas, today, you have something that makes you forgetful and leads you to fear. Will you join me today in recounting His faithfulness thus far and boldly declaring His goodness right in the enemy’s lying face? He has not brought us this far to leave us.
Let all that I am praise the Lord;
may I never forget the good things he does for me.
He forgives all my sins
and heals all my diseases.
He redeems me from death
and crowns me with love and tender mercies.
He fills my life with good things.
My youth is renewed like the eagle’s!
Psalm 103:2-5